There’s an unspoken rule in medical offices, especially those that operate as if it were still 1994, and if Mr. Ed Brown is over a certain age, you’re supposed to excuse everything. Rude behavior? “Oh, he’s just old and cranky.” Inappropriate sexual comments? “That’s just how he jokes.” Screaming at the front desk staff? “He’s probably just stressed.”
Let me make something clear:
Being an elderly patient does not give you a hall pass to treat healthcare staff like leftover lasagna from last week. That’s not old-school. That’s abusive. And if you’re a physician reading this and thinking, Well, my patients don’t mean any harm, then congratulations, you’re part of the problem.
I have seen it all. Patients yelling at the front desk staff, calling medical billers “incompetent,” and making suggestive comments to women half their age, like it’s a punchline. And way too often, physicians laugh it off. Worse, they reward it by letting those same patients skip copays or slide on office policies, just to keep them “happy.”
And let’s not forget the female counterpart: Mrs. Edith Brown. Hair sprayed into immortality, mauve lipstick bleeding into her wrinkles, and an attitude like the front desk staff owes her an apology just for existing. She leans in, points with two fingers, and says, “I have been coming here longer than you’ve been alive young lady,” while demanding to speak with the doctor because her secondary insurance did not cover the $15 she swears she paid in 2012. This patient does not follow the rules. She makes them up as she goes and expects staff to treat her as royalty.
Here’s the truth: every time you let that slide, you send your staff a message. That their boundaries don’t matter. It is more important to protect the patient’s ego than your team’s safety or dignity.
Your medical degree doesn’t make you HR-exempt. If your front desk tells you a patient made them feel unsafe or uncomfortable, it’s your job to act on it. Not chuckle. Not ignore. Stop giving them a pass because of their age or claiming they’re confused.
Yes, patients should be respected. Though not at the expense of staff having to tolerate verbal abuse or creepy comments. And if you’re the type of medical provider who still thinks, “This doesn’t apply to my office”? I promise you, it does!
Clean billable claims keep the lights on, but a safe team keeps the private practice alive.
Do better. Or get ready to do it alone.
So, how do you handle this? Start here:
- Write down your zero-tolerance policy. No verbal abuse, no sexual comments, no exceptions, no matter how long the patient’s been coming.
- Train your staff on what to say when it happens. Give them real scripts, not just “report it to your supervisor.”
- Back your staff up publicly and consistently. If a patient crosses a line, you should be the one to call it out or dismiss them, not your staff.
- Fire patients who refuse to behave. Yes, legally. Yes, with a 30-day notice. But do it. Stop protecting revenue over human dignity.
- Stop undermining your policies. If your staff is collecting copays or enforcing office rules, do not tell patients “it’s fine not to pay” behind their backs. That’s not leadership, it’s sabotage.
Real script your staff can use when a patient crosses the line: “I’m trying to help, but I won’t tolerate being yelled at or talked to that way.”
If it continues: “I’m going to step away now. You can speak with our office manager if you have concerns, but this behavior is not acceptable here.”
At the end of the day, no patient, not even Ed or Edith Brown with their crusty entitlement and imaginary VIP status, should ever feel more protected than the staff doing the actual work. Healthcare is not a day spa for bad behavior. It is a business. And in this business, respect is not a suggestion; it is a policy. If your office still runs on “the customer is always right” mentality, do not regret it later when your best employees quit without notice and your reputation tanks faster than your A/R. That is not burnout. That is betrayal.
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